Merry Day After Christmas! I have waited too long to post so I am unsure where to begin. Hmm... My mom left last week, same day my daughter's guinea pig died, while Eric and I were at a doc appointment to check on my infected incision. It was very hard for everyone, and Isabel was a wreck. Sniffy had really helped her through the last month of us being gone and all the difficulty, and she is particularly close to my parents. She now has a new little buddy, a baby rat named Poppy, that she is thoroughly enamored with.

Yesterday was surprisingly hard on me and I was so melancholy all day. I felt left out of Christmas, and wasn't able to be the mom to my kids I normally am. We neglected all of our special traditions that I normally do with the kids, I wasn't able to pass out presents, or play in the snow. I just sat in the chair and watched... Frustrated with my inability and lack of patience with my kids on Christmas of all days.

The day ended with some strife between Eric and a family member, that just made us sad for him, and frustrated with his insensitivity and selfishness. Then to top it off, the only toilet downstairs clogged (probably having to do with freezing temps and a slope in the pipe), and sent raw sewage throughout the laundry room. My poor husband who had acted as mother and father to our kids, put up with my mopy bad attitude, dealt with family drama, etc, now had to end his Christmas by cleaning up a nasty laundry room floor (and I am now stuck having to climb the stairs anytime I need a restroom) I think the kids had a good time at least.

On the brighter side, my infection appears to be clearing up, I was home for Christmas, and we were together! I just really dislike this helplessness and lack of independence. I am the one that takes care of not the other way around and I want that life back. At the same time, Eric goes back to work on Monday, and I am terrified. I know my current limitations and I don't know what I am going to do. I keep breaking down into tears only to have Hazel ask me, "Mom, why you sad?" I have tried to keep it simple and just tell her I miss Meema. Which is very true. I miss my mom so much. Even as an adult with kids of my own, my mom is what I want in times of trouble. She is amazing. She took care of my four kids, basically on her own, for almost three weeks while we were gone. Then stayed another two weeks to take care of me. She is the strongest, most patient person I know.

Sorry for the whiny tone of this post. I need to get over myself. It is what it is. I need to focus on getting better and stronger. Worrying and crying does nothing and I will try not to make another post like this one anytime soon. I am trying to "cast my cares on Jesus". It's just a constant process right now. I don't know what I am going to do next week. I do know that as hard as it has been, God has been with me, and taken care of me. There is no reason for me to think He will stop now. I am not dependent on people, I am dependent on my Father. I am not even dependent on myself, my mind or body. I need to go now and repent for my attitude and lack of faith.

Thank you to everyone who has helped us, or prayed for us during this time. You guys are great! Happy new year! This is going to be a good year of healing and growing and new depth in Christ. By the grace of God ;)